A Stereotypical Woman Driver.

Intro.

Mark Gungor, a pastor in Wisconsin, once said women are extreme multitaskers. Men can concentrate only on a single task, finish it and then move to the next one but, a woman can do a hundred things together.

I have had first-hand experience with these things as most of my good friends are women. My best friend could be talking to me over the phone, while riding a unicycle on a tightrope, juggling burning torches and doing calculus in her head all at the same time (which actually blows my male chauvinistic mind).

Friends, netizens, bloggers, lend me your eyes. I come to bury women; not to praise them.
There is a chance I offend a few people with this blog post, but that's the point anyway. I really hope someone shows this to Anita Sarkeesian so that she can ban this blog for its sexist content.

Let's just put the statement out there. Women are terrible drivers. They might multitask but when it comes to driving it's like someone put Digital Fortresses into TRANSLTR. Hang!

Main story.

The drive from Kammanahalli to Mahadevpura, Bangalore is quite hectic as there is KR Puram in between. But it was quite late for anyone to be roaming around and Bangalore turns into a ghost town after 1am. Except for the occasional cab drivers, the roads would practically be empty.

A friend of mine wanted to ride and I happily obliged, because I'm an idiot. Very commonly, when two people ride, they talk to each other. We were no exception here. The topic here was her love life. Sex life to be more precise.

The road was wide open and we were going considerably slow (at least according to me) and she was talking about how this army guy, whom she previously dated, raised the bar of expectations OVER 9000 and ruined it for other guys. She kept explaining about this guy in excruciating detail when my eyes fell on a speed breaker because we were on the freaking road. The speed breaker started approaching us, and I saw no sign of breaking from her. I decided to notify her, but I didn't want to disturb her story. So, very calmly I said Hump.

Still, nothing slowed down around me. I understood that I had to make it more apparent.

I went, "Hump. Hump. Hump. Hump."

But I was too late and we flew over the speed breaker sending us a foot in the air and landing with a huge THUD in Badaboom font popping beside us. The vehicle kept bouncing. At that point, I thought there is no energy loss happening as the collision kept the scooter bouncing, without stopping. I believe when I said hump, she thought she had to make me hump her.

Somehow she regained balance and kept moving forward. Now here's the crazy part, she kept driving like nothing happened and continued the story about the army guy, explaining to me how hot the guy was.

The journey continued and since we were going slow we were on the left lane. She kept talking, almost facing me while driving. The scooter morphed into a snake. The concertina movement of ours gave us some really wild honks from the cab drivers, passing by. I believe I saw one of the guy turning his head towards us and almost opened his mouth to curse us but apparently saw her driving and thought to himself, " A woman driver. No wonder."

The road slowly became a flyover and it started turning left. Us, on the other hand, shifted from left to middle, middle to right and kept going straight on to the barricade. Again, I decided to burst her little army bubble, because I feared for my life more than gaining the knowledge of how incredibly good this guy was in bed.

I said," Bro, those aren't just your senses that are turning; the road is ACTUALLY turning."

All of a sudden, she comes back to Earth, sees the barricade and turns the scooter sharply to the left and saves me from the Grim Reaper.

We continued on and the army guy changed to an air force officer. Another flyover passed and we were still on the left lane.

Out of the blue, two headlights appear on this lane. Somehow these two headlights seemed to come towards us, synchronously. She kept driving towards it like, those are two pixies, and they are going to fly away from us when we reach closer to them.

Let me explain the road we were on, to you. It's a six-lane road, with two-lane service roads on each side, and these two, really bright light was on the lane we were on. At this point, I was quite certain of our fate, because to be honest, we all know what those two headlights are.

But apparently she didn't, and she sped towards the incoming pixies like she wanted to scare the living crap out of them.

Before she could do this, a street light illuminated 6 bold letters in red between the headlights - Police.

These letters have the power of bringing sense into the most senseless blokes in India and the same happened here. Thanks to the wonderful men in khakis, she forgot the guy in blue-grey and snapped back to reality and drove better for the next five minutes.

But the stereotypical woman driver in her slowly started waking up again and the scooter slowly started becoming a snake, again.

Thanks to my good luck the scooter started slowing down, in spite of her attempts to accelerate. Fuel empty. I got down the scooter and told her, "You are the worst rider I have met, till date."